Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Goodnight Sweet Prince

Voo took a turn for the worse yesterday. I was able to stay home with him and the decision to take him in to see the vet was simple. He stopped breathing several times in the truck on the way. DH and I are spent, we're both sick, still greiving our old Whitey and now our Black Cat too. Nilsens brought dinner to us last night, we feel so very fortunate to have them.

Voo lived his whole life as an after thought, and died much the same. I got Voo about a year after I got Missy Cat, mostly as a companion for her, which she NEVER appreciated. Voo was always shy and hid for most of the day, but at night he slept on my neck for 12 years, and barked at Tony every morning for waking me up:)

Voo and Whitey loved each other like crazy and were often seen grooming each other, or sleeping in one of the dog beds together. It is fitting that they would not want to be in the Summerland without one another. So Voo and Whitey will be buried at the farm at the same time, once the ashes are returned to us. Their collars hang together in a special place in our home. Voo, always second fiddle, is first in our hearts and dearly missed.

I am thinking today of people who play second fiddle. You know, the friends who really love you, but never make it into your inner circle for some unknown or unacknowledged reason. Maybe it's just chemistry, or the time in your life etc. I try not to have tiered friendships. I have acquantances and people to whom I am devoted, but I guess inevitably there are folks that don't demand enough so they slip through the cracks.

The great tragedy of our generation is that we are working so fast and so hard, and multitasking to the point of infinite multiplication that we don't have time for people anymore. I have certainly found myself losing touch with anyone who doesn't check their email regularily...A few of us were chatting a breakfast a few months ago, all with Crackberries in hand, at least 2 of us with multiple super phones, and everyone expressed feeling like they are running downhill, with no end in sight.

Do yourself a favor this week. Mine the quiet cave, and reach out to a friend you haven't seen, cuddle the low maintenance child, pet the scaredy cat. Listen to the birds sing up the sun before you head to the shower and ratrace, it will do you good.

Voluptuous update: I won an Earth Day gift basket at the co-op!

Simplicity update: Cats like it when you sing to them, even if you aren't a good singer and have laryngitis.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

When it rains, it pours...then you get mushrooms

Our dear black cat Voo, has been losing weight since the white dog passed. We found out he has two kinds of cancer and a blocked bile duct. He's not going to make it. For now he's as home with a tube in his tummy and we have to feed him from a syringe 4 times per day. Waiting for him to get worse or pass, both of which are inevitable. It's a lot of loss in a short amount of time.

Between finals, the move, leaving my job, continuing construction, greiving, and caring for our sick cat; I'm at the end of my rope. Did I mention I have also had laryngitis for a week? Unfortunately I am also picking fights with my husband, who is also stressed. He doesn't do things, or think about things the way that I do, and his social needs are different from mine. It's hard to be sensitive to his needs when I feel so bad myself.

Construction and moving have been stalled by the rain this weekend, but I expect to find morels in about a week thanks to that same rain. It's much the same in my life right now. We have had delays and challenges ($3,000 vet bill for one) but ultimately we are still heading toward the prize. Our phone and internet go in at the farm on Friday, so that will make studying much, much easier, and DH and I won't have to spend every weekend apart anymore. Having class online is great, but it has kept me tied to our house in the city.

Voluptuous update: I got to pick out beautiful locksets for my new house, I've never had anything new before, just always dealt with what was there, it was fun. I went with rubbed bronze and feminine curves.

Simplicity update: The bees arrived on Earth Day, 3 stings and it went OK, but there were some intense moments. I fixed the hive and liberated the Queen on Saturday, which was uneventful. So far I am a GREAT beekeeper.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

The Countdown Begins

Well, Folks, I've done it. I have given notice to a good paying job in order to strike out on my own, this isn't the first time I've done this, so it's not as scary as I anticpated.

The countdown to the big move begins. Because I will be building my business, the move I had always thought we would make (paid movers, one trip, me simply moving plants and pets and then unpacking in my new home) isn't really going to happen. We are old skool, liquor store boxes, sharpies, back-breaking, moving stuff in my poor RAV-trying to make it work. I have decided to get rid of 2/3rds of my stuff. So far it's a lot less painful than I expected, but we haven't gotten to any of my good stuff. 1/3 given away, 1/3 sold, 1/3 to the new house.

Hey if you're reading this and you want some stuff, let me know.

I've got 2 doula clients and 1 midwifery assist lined up for early summer, so all is well in that department. I'm excited to start advertising and meeting people in my new community.

This warm weather makes me feel like I'm behind in getting the garden in, so I remind myself that their have been plenty big vegetable summers that didn't get started until after my birthday...

Maple syruping didn't work out so well, but I did learn off PBS how to make a natural sweetener out of watermelons, I'm pretty pumped to check that out.

Gotta do the taxes tonight, I know I know, but better now than Friday, right?

Voluptuous Update: I share a birthday with Nancy Sinatra of "These boots are made for walkin'" fame.

Simplicity Update: Packing and moving all of our own stuff not only saves money, but also allows me the opportunity to unpack gradually, thus assuring that everything will actually get unpacked.

P.S. We just realized that our new puppy, Isabella, looks like Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog, from Conan O'Brien....funny joke, for her to poop on!

Sunday, April 4, 2010

It's not as easy as you would think

I am literally on the cusp of having the life I've been dreaming about for about 8 years. And yet I am so easily derailed. It seems that every time I get close to a big positive thing in my life I back off. Christiane Northrup says that women worry too much and not only that but we seem to think that this worrying buys us something. "If I worry enough about by children, they will be safe."

I remember when I left real estate to become a doula, everything was ready. I had 6 months of salary in the bank, I had a contract with a doula program and a business plan, but as much as I wanted to give my notice, I almost didn't. I even went back to the office the day after my "last day" to make sure everything was ok, and then again 5 days later. Less than 18 months later I was running that doula program, still had most of my savings, and never regretted leaving my original job.

Today, I have 7 people who want to rent my house, thereby effectively replacing my income, I have 15 months of salary in the bank. I also now have a husband with a very secure and well paying job, which I did not have before. I own my farm outright, so really push come to shove I could let the bank have my house in the city. I have two doula clients for June, I am 8 months from receiving my degree in religious studies, and 20 months from receiving my degree in Midwifery. And I'm still overwhelmed by fear and worry.

Fear and worry are neither voluptuous or simple, so they have GOT to go.

Voluptuous Update: I found the sexiest black heels that even make my tree trunk ankles look feminine and delicate. AND wait for it....got them at TJ Maxx for less than $20. Wore them with a little black shirt dress this weekend.

Simplicity Update: After an utter breakdown while studying pharmacology yesterday, my husband has offered to do all the worrying from now on, so I can rest assured that it's getting done.