Wednesday, December 12, 2012

12-12-12 And so far nothing

I hate to admit it, but my DH's sense of doom has gotten the better of him, just a little bit.  He informed me last week that the housecat and I are being taken to the farm on December 20th "just in case"...Didn't I say this journey was not about the end of the world, oh dear...

Never mind that there is at least a foot of snow out there and the likelihood of either of our cars making it up the hill is a 50/50 shot at best.

I am graduating from midwifery school on Friday, I can't believe it is finally over.  Still hasn't hit me, although the bill for my student loans just did, not sure where that money is going to come from just yet.

The fall has not been either voluptuous or simple.  We are having a significant issue with our electrical system at the house, until next week, I will have still drove the 10 hour round trip to school each week.  The cars need tires, the dishwasher is still broken, and the dryer died while I was away in Florida over the summer...It takes several days to do one load of laundry when it has to dry hung up all over the house, in case you were wondering.  I handwashed DH's underwear in the sink and put them on the heat vent in my office, because that's his love language.

I saw a PBS show today about single female homesteaders to the plains from Norway in the 1800's.  Those women were awesome!  There was one lady, whose husband died on the trip over, who tended a ranch of 360 acres with two little kids and milked 80 cows per day! The amount of guilt I have over the moldy yogurt containers that I have yet to wash out, and my lamentation above about my appliances is pretty high.

I fluxuate these days as to whether I want to invest in more property as a half way to homestead living, or if I want to rid myself of most of what I own and call it "freedom".  I remember setting off to college at Moorhead State back in 1992, in my 1979 Volvo station wagon and saying to myself, 'I never want to own more than I can fit in my car, and I never want to drive a car smaller than will fit all my stuff.'  I wanted to be a self-sufficient, "get up and go" girl always ready to move on to the next adventure.  I don't know who I am now.

I feel strongly about self-sufficiency, and it has meant different things to me at different times in my life.  As a young woman, it definitely meant "belonging to no one".  As I reached my 20's it was "needing no one", and now in my 30's it's closer to "being someone".  I don't know what that has to do with canning veggies, or making yogurt, or quilting, but it does for me and that's all I can say about it.

So for now, the voluptuous truth is that I'm trying to manage the differences between whom I wanted to be, whom I have been, and whom do I want around me as I move forward in a state of Becoming.  And I find that I am surrounded by people asking the same questions of themselves, with varied results.

So 2012 may be "the end of the world" of sorts.  An end to a previous way of being.  A death and rebirth of the soul, perhaps...

May the Creator pour out light upon you and give you peace.  I'll see you on the other side.

No comments:

Post a Comment