Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Why I Hate February

I started hating February when I was 6 years old. It was in February that this first grader endured the shame of being moved from the top math class to the lower math class. I did not know what was happening until I sat down to a worksheet of mathmatical exercises that I had long since mastered.

Similar stories take place in fourth grade, seventh grade, ninth grade, and throughout high school. My college transcripts reflect the same. As an adult, I can recount break ups, weight gain, financial loss, and other disasters of life, all happening in February.

It has occurred to me that this is probably undiagnosed seasonal affective disorder or "cabin fever" as the case may be. But let me say for the permanent record..."February 2012 is the February that won." I surrender. And to top it off, this SHOULD be the last day......Damn you February!!!! (shaking fist in the air)

As a woman I have faced the necessity and opportunity of reinvention many times. A few times I have been brave enough to embrace change, and other times I have tried valiantly to resist...mostly by hiding :/ Today I am faced with the same, but this time as a Farmgirl homesteader. My planned on "happliy ever after" may not be my reality, as I had once hoped, so what will that mean?

I'm a lot more lonely on the farm these days. I am afraid more of the time. Afraid of coyotes hurting my barn cats, afraid that too much snow and ice on the driveway with not a lot of options for removal, afraid that I will not make the best investment decisions for my home. I have been able to work all winter with the current solar panel and storage system, but living in the dark the rest of the time has been too challenging. I don't know if I should get a more complicated solar voltaic system, or just tie into the grid? Is it time to get a new car, and from where is that money going to come? Do I want to do this hobby farm thing under any circumstances, or only if "XYZ" are true?

I am considering options that under normal circumstances, I would never consider. Like, should I sell my wedding rings in order to install a real bathroom, so I can have friends over? Not that I really have any country friends to invite over...which is also probably part of the problem. But for real, it is easy to adapt to constant construction and lack of amenities, but it is not as easy to adapt to the look on your mother's face when you show her how you are actually living...eeek.

I wish I could tell you that modern homesteading is all barn dances, fresh veggies, and calico sundresses, but it hasn't been for me. It has been a lot of self-discovery, an ongoing challenge to my marriage, hard physical labor, and more stress than I could have imagined.

But it is also silence, security, and simplicity. It's the voluptuous that I need to work on.

But rejoice gentle readers! March is coming, and it's entering like a LION!!!! This weekend I am spending an entire day learning about cheese making, goat rearing, and water gardening, within my new community. And I have just become the newest member of the Hay River Farmgirls! Meeting local people, who love what I love, and help each other is exactly what I need right now.

Voluptuous Update: I think I'm going to invest in some new underwear, like lipstick, it makes me feel better.

Simplicity Update: I'm going to ask for some more help, and I'm going to hang out with Shelly, check out her and her man's blog at mainstreethomestead.blogspot.com

1 comment:

  1. Buying new sexy underwear makes me feel better too. And, we definitely have to hang out more.